The day I lost my keys
August 14th, 2018
At 0650 a.m this morning, while trying to get out of the door to head to work, I reached up to my key holder to grab my keys. I was met with nothing, simply an empty space. I frantically searched my home, looking in every possible place they could have been but the keys were now where to be found. I called my husband at work, which I never do unless it's an emergency, to see if he had possibly taken them by mistake. His voice sounded a little concerned as he took my call, only to find out it was me missing my set of keys. He informed me that he had not taken them and I was back to square one. I continued to look for them but to no avail. The keys were no where to be found. I continued to look around my home, becoming more and more panicked about missing work. As much as i would love a day off to simply sleep, I know I can't afford it. Each minute that passes cost me more and more money and if I am going to be be able to have this surgery then I need every dime I can save. As the minutes passed I became more and more anxious. The stress was becoming unbeariable. I looked in every place I had went to the moment I walked into my house the night before. I came in late that night. I worked all day, headed home for 30 minutes, just long enough to see my husband. Then I was off to run errands before I joined Whitney at the Historical Society for our meeting. There was only one more place to check. I called Whitney. Feeling a little guilty about waking her up, I asked Whitney if she could check her car for me to see if I had left them in there by mistake. Sure enough I had, and she was sweet enough to run them over to me. I made it to work, only losing about half an hours worth of pay.
Normally I wouldn't stress over 30 minutes of work, heck I would even just say forget it and stay home and sleep. I was sleep deprived and could have used the rest, but instead those thirty minutes of frantic searching and stress that i felt building, sent my emotions into a whirlwind.
The panic and worry I felt 3 hours ago still lingers with me. How could something so simple as losing a set of keys cause so such an emotional whirlwind, you may ask? It was simply the potiental lose of money from not being able to work that day. I don't think losing a day's wages would keep me from my surgery date but what if it did? What if it came down to losing those 10 hours of overtime? Everything I have been working up to, the lack of sleep, the "no days off for two months," the crying myself to sleep at night off and on for the past two years would all be for nothing. My husband has told me more than once that if it doesn't happen in September that I can always save up and try again, perhaps after the start of the new year. But I know if I have to push it off again that there won't ever be a next time. One year will simply turn into another fourteen years, that is if I live to see them.
So I push myself day after day, job after job, hour after hour, sleepless night after night to try and make this happen. I shuffle bills around and rob Peter to pay Paul in hopes of coming up with the money in time knowing full well that as soon as I return form Surgery I will have to return to work to keep making money to pay both Peter and Paul.
I now how 37 days until my surgery. I haven't been able to save any money just trying to catch bills up from my last emergency surgery in April when I had to have my gallbladder removed. Still I have to try. There is still so much I need to do, so much I want to achieve. Over the past couple of years I have achieved a lot of my goals in my life. I formed my own paranormal team and made it one of the best known as well respected teams in Oklahoma. I have written and had published three paranormal books and one children's book. I will be teaching a paranormal class at a local Votech in Oklahoma City. I have three more paranormal books in the writing process, two plays, a novel, and several more children's books. One of the things I still wish to do is return to college to further my career and education. I can't do that if I can't fit into the seats.
The other issue with my weight is the pain I feel daily. I limp, I hurt, I crap and pop, There is so much more I want to do and my weight hinders me like a self inflicted handicap. I don't ever want to get to the point that I have to ride around in the Walmart motorized shopping cart. I hate having to rely on people to start with. I don't want to get so bad that I am a burden to anyone. For me, I'd rather be dead than be a burden on my family. So I continue to work these god awful hours in hopes of ending my misery and start a journey on feeling better both physically and mentally.
So far all I have been able to save is the five hundred dollar deposit but I plan on pushing forward to meet my goal. It may be down to the wire and I keep hoping that rope won't break under the weight. Pun intended.
At 0650 a.m this morning, while trying to get out of the door to head to work, I reached up to my key holder to grab my keys. I was met with nothing, simply an empty space. I frantically searched my home, looking in every possible place they could have been but the keys were now where to be found. I called my husband at work, which I never do unless it's an emergency, to see if he had possibly taken them by mistake. His voice sounded a little concerned as he took my call, only to find out it was me missing my set of keys. He informed me that he had not taken them and I was back to square one. I continued to look for them but to no avail. The keys were no where to be found. I continued to look around my home, becoming more and more panicked about missing work. As much as i would love a day off to simply sleep, I know I can't afford it. Each minute that passes cost me more and more money and if I am going to be be able to have this surgery then I need every dime I can save. As the minutes passed I became more and more anxious. The stress was becoming unbeariable. I looked in every place I had went to the moment I walked into my house the night before. I came in late that night. I worked all day, headed home for 30 minutes, just long enough to see my husband. Then I was off to run errands before I joined Whitney at the Historical Society for our meeting. There was only one more place to check. I called Whitney. Feeling a little guilty about waking her up, I asked Whitney if she could check her car for me to see if I had left them in there by mistake. Sure enough I had, and she was sweet enough to run them over to me. I made it to work, only losing about half an hours worth of pay.
Normally I wouldn't stress over 30 minutes of work, heck I would even just say forget it and stay home and sleep. I was sleep deprived and could have used the rest, but instead those thirty minutes of frantic searching and stress that i felt building, sent my emotions into a whirlwind.
The panic and worry I felt 3 hours ago still lingers with me. How could something so simple as losing a set of keys cause so such an emotional whirlwind, you may ask? It was simply the potiental lose of money from not being able to work that day. I don't think losing a day's wages would keep me from my surgery date but what if it did? What if it came down to losing those 10 hours of overtime? Everything I have been working up to, the lack of sleep, the "no days off for two months," the crying myself to sleep at night off and on for the past two years would all be for nothing. My husband has told me more than once that if it doesn't happen in September that I can always save up and try again, perhaps after the start of the new year. But I know if I have to push it off again that there won't ever be a next time. One year will simply turn into another fourteen years, that is if I live to see them.
So I push myself day after day, job after job, hour after hour, sleepless night after night to try and make this happen. I shuffle bills around and rob Peter to pay Paul in hopes of coming up with the money in time knowing full well that as soon as I return form Surgery I will have to return to work to keep making money to pay both Peter and Paul.
I now how 37 days until my surgery. I haven't been able to save any money just trying to catch bills up from my last emergency surgery in April when I had to have my gallbladder removed. Still I have to try. There is still so much I need to do, so much I want to achieve. Over the past couple of years I have achieved a lot of my goals in my life. I formed my own paranormal team and made it one of the best known as well respected teams in Oklahoma. I have written and had published three paranormal books and one children's book. I will be teaching a paranormal class at a local Votech in Oklahoma City. I have three more paranormal books in the writing process, two plays, a novel, and several more children's books. One of the things I still wish to do is return to college to further my career and education. I can't do that if I can't fit into the seats.
The other issue with my weight is the pain I feel daily. I limp, I hurt, I crap and pop, There is so much more I want to do and my weight hinders me like a self inflicted handicap. I don't ever want to get to the point that I have to ride around in the Walmart motorized shopping cart. I hate having to rely on people to start with. I don't want to get so bad that I am a burden to anyone. For me, I'd rather be dead than be a burden on my family. So I continue to work these god awful hours in hopes of ending my misery and start a journey on feeling better both physically and mentally.
So far all I have been able to save is the five hundred dollar deposit but I plan on pushing forward to meet my goal. It may be down to the wire and I keep hoping that rope won't break under the weight. Pun intended.
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