It was the end of the world
Yesterday was the worst day so far. The day started out good. I was working on my "what to pack" list for my trip and writing out my meal plans for the upcoming pre-op diet that I am about to start. I was in a great mood until I received a message from someone needing to talk to me about an upcoming event that my business is having. The event is suppose to take place is May of 2019 at one of our favorite haunted locations one state over. When we first set up the event, all details were discussed and the green was given for us to hold the event. The call I received was to tell me other wise. It appears the wrong person gave us the go ahead and now we are facing issues with holding our event at their location. Half of the tickets have already sold since we have guest investigators who are seen on one of the popular paranormal shows. No the event is sent into a whirlwind of a mess only adding more stress on me. I had already had a horrible weekend filled with stress from my home life and I am still under a lot of stress about covering the cost of this surgery. So now I am faced with refunding each ticket, which isn't an issue, but i pay for each ticket sold and then I have to pay to refund it through the carrier. So I will end up losing about $100 of my own money out of pocket. I know, it's only a small fee compared to what I have paid out in the past but at this time that could make or break me. I'm pinching pennies everywhere as well as working 90 hour weeks just to make my dead line. With my husband constantly complaining about not having any extra money to speak of, I now get to explain that I have to pay out even more money. So the stress of the that added on top of not knowing if my surgery will happen and then the tension between my husband and youngest daughter all weekend, my nerves were shot! So what better way to deal with it then to have a complete breakdown.
I fought back tears all day while I was at work, and then again all night when I was at my second job. I began to have a major headache followed by slight chest pains (anxiety). To top it off my oldest daughter called me late last night while I was at my other job to share how upset and stressed out she was over some boy who won't leave her alone so she ended up having to take out a VPO on him. I was a little short with her and quite irritable with her since I was already so angry that I had planned on cancelling my surgery. My poor husband tried to be supportive, my best friend as well, but nothing seemed to help. I left my poor husband feeling helpless while i locked myself away in my own private shell. A feeling of complete hopelessness consumed every fiber of my body. I had completely given up. By the time I got home around 11:30 last night, I was greeted by my husband who had stayed up just to try and cheer me up and show me support. Unfortunately, there was no chance of that. After burying my face in a piece of cake, I went to bed and started looking at all the comments and pictures of the other men and women in my gastric surgery Facebook group. I was jealous, angry, and sad all rolled into one. Then the water works started. My husband was finally asleep when it started, which was good because I really didn't want to cry in front of him and make him feel any worse. It was around 0130 am and I had to be up by six but I just couldn't get my mind to stop thinking or relieve the tension in my shoulders so I took one of my muscle relaxers and finally began to fall asleep.
This morning I woke up in a different state of mind. I decided I wasn't going to sweat the business event until after my surgery and recovery date. I will focus on finding a new haunted venue or refunding our ticket holders because right now I need to focus on me. I'm always putting my needs on the back burner and trying to take care of everything and everyone else, but this time I come first. If I don't get to do this surgery, I have told myself that I will not try again. With this being the third attempt and me getting so close to having it done only to lose it, well it felt as if I lost someone close. That's how bad the pain was yesterday and I simply do not want to go through that again.
I am suppose to start my pre-op diet on Monday, will I was suppose to when my original date was on the 20th. Now that it is on the 25th, I could postpone my diet state up date but I think I am going to go ahead and start it anyway. Hopefully I will be able to still get it done. If not I'm not sure what I will do next.
I fought back tears all day while I was at work, and then again all night when I was at my second job. I began to have a major headache followed by slight chest pains (anxiety). To top it off my oldest daughter called me late last night while I was at my other job to share how upset and stressed out she was over some boy who won't leave her alone so she ended up having to take out a VPO on him. I was a little short with her and quite irritable with her since I was already so angry that I had planned on cancelling my surgery. My poor husband tried to be supportive, my best friend as well, but nothing seemed to help. I left my poor husband feeling helpless while i locked myself away in my own private shell. A feeling of complete hopelessness consumed every fiber of my body. I had completely given up. By the time I got home around 11:30 last night, I was greeted by my husband who had stayed up just to try and cheer me up and show me support. Unfortunately, there was no chance of that. After burying my face in a piece of cake, I went to bed and started looking at all the comments and pictures of the other men and women in my gastric surgery Facebook group. I was jealous, angry, and sad all rolled into one. Then the water works started. My husband was finally asleep when it started, which was good because I really didn't want to cry in front of him and make him feel any worse. It was around 0130 am and I had to be up by six but I just couldn't get my mind to stop thinking or relieve the tension in my shoulders so I took one of my muscle relaxers and finally began to fall asleep.
This morning I woke up in a different state of mind. I decided I wasn't going to sweat the business event until after my surgery and recovery date. I will focus on finding a new haunted venue or refunding our ticket holders because right now I need to focus on me. I'm always putting my needs on the back burner and trying to take care of everything and everyone else, but this time I come first. If I don't get to do this surgery, I have told myself that I will not try again. With this being the third attempt and me getting so close to having it done only to lose it, well it felt as if I lost someone close. That's how bad the pain was yesterday and I simply do not want to go through that again.
I am suppose to start my pre-op diet on Monday, will I was suppose to when my original date was on the 20th. Now that it is on the 25th, I could postpone my diet state up date but I think I am going to go ahead and start it anyway. Hopefully I will be able to still get it done. If not I'm not sure what I will do next.
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