Signing my Life away
Preface
I was hoping to start my blog the day I started this journey but as my luck would have it my lap top crashed and left me feeling like a dancer with two broken legs, incomplete and incapacitated. I was finally able to purchase a cheaper laptop to start my blogs and finish my next two books due to the publisher within the next two months. At least now I am able to write again, despite my horrible spelling. Thank God for spell check. Now if I can only figure out how to make it work on this site! If you find yourself reading my stories, I just want to say thank you for taking time out of your busy lives to take a sneak peak into mine. I hope I can help inspire or share some insight as to the emotions one might feel should they ever chose to take this journey themselves.
August 9th, 2018
Today was the day I chose to take my life back. After so many years of waiting, I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. Being obese is not easy on anyone, and trying to lose weight can be even harder. I've been overweight for most of my life. The happiest, and skinniest I have ever been was in high school when I weighed between 140-150 pounds. Even then, only being 10-20 pounds over weight, I remember the exact time and emotions I felt when I over heard the friend of the boy I liked call me, "that fat chick." Now, at me heaviest weight of 368, I would kill to weight that weight again. I would also like to find that guy and kick him square in the.....well, I will leave that up to your imagination. At my current weight I am always in pain, sluggish, miserable and extremely self-concsious. I avoid having my picture taken and if I see a picture of myself I slump into a deep depression. '
For the past 16 years I have been trying to to lose weight and even attempt to have a weight loss surgery. A couple of times I have been close, even just a few months away, but something always came up to hindered me from having it, always leaving me sad and heart broken. The past two years have been the hardest on me. I've had several friends get the surgery done, one of which was my best friend. I was there with her through her surgery. I went to her appointments when ever I could even though it was three hours away. I stayed with her in the hospital when she had the surgery and did my best to support her despite that fact that I was riddled with jealousy. I saw how difficult the diet was, and the pain she endured and still I would do anything to take her place. For the past two years I have often cried myself to sleep as I watch her weight melt away and I stayed the same. The lack of money to pay out of pocket kept me from having the weight loss. To many bills, to many responsibilities.
Whitney, my best friend, was the one who put the option to go to Mexico into my mind. At first I was totally against the idea. Being a nurse for the past 21 years and even taking care of Bariatric patients when I worked in one of our local hospitals, I was leery of the dangers of such a major surgery. I knew the dangers of such a surgery here in the U.S. and I was worried about the complications that could occur in another country where the government didn't have such strict laws pertaining to medical care. As time passed, and I began to except that I would never be able to save the amount of money I would need to have the surgery done here in the United States, the more I began to consider a trip to Mexico.
I spoke to several doctors I worked with, all which tried to discourage me from pursuing surgery in Mexico, worried of what might possibly happen when I was there. I listened to their concerns, and I took them into account since I too had the same worries, but the as the months passed I saw the life change my friend was getting to experience, I decided to take the plunge. So today I took the first step in my new weight loss journey, I paid my $500 deposit and scheduled my surgery date. On September 20th, 2018, I am scheduled to have my surgery in Tijuana, Mexico. I still have a long way to go. I have to come up with another $3800 plus travel expenses, not to mention maintain my house hold bills and other cost. That only give me about six weeks to come up with it all. My current plan for doing that is to work about 90-100 hours a week with no days off, very hard but doable. For the first time ever in my weight loss journey, I have a surgery date.
The minute the payment cleared, wave after wave of emotions became to hit me all at once. Am I going to be able to come up with the rest of money? And if i do, am I gong to still have all my vital organs or perhaps become a vessel to transport something across the boarder like Scarklett Johansson in the 2014 movie Lucy? Yes, it does seem a little far fetched Hollywood drama, but a writer has to get an idea from some place. Excitement and fear is currently the battle going on inside of me. Luckily, when I first sent off my inquiry email, my assigned coordinator added me to a Facebook group filled with other people on the same journey as I am. It was being in this group that actually brought me to this point today. I still have worries, mainly about raising the money, but for the first time I feel close to reaching my dream of taking my life back and losing this burden I carry on myself everyday. I have 42 days to "D" day, or in this case "S" day. Wish me luck.
I was hoping to start my blog the day I started this journey but as my luck would have it my lap top crashed and left me feeling like a dancer with two broken legs, incomplete and incapacitated. I was finally able to purchase a cheaper laptop to start my blogs and finish my next two books due to the publisher within the next two months. At least now I am able to write again, despite my horrible spelling. Thank God for spell check. Now if I can only figure out how to make it work on this site! If you find yourself reading my stories, I just want to say thank you for taking time out of your busy lives to take a sneak peak into mine. I hope I can help inspire or share some insight as to the emotions one might feel should they ever chose to take this journey themselves.
August 9th, 2018
Today was the day I chose to take my life back. After so many years of waiting, I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. Being obese is not easy on anyone, and trying to lose weight can be even harder. I've been overweight for most of my life. The happiest, and skinniest I have ever been was in high school when I weighed between 140-150 pounds. Even then, only being 10-20 pounds over weight, I remember the exact time and emotions I felt when I over heard the friend of the boy I liked call me, "that fat chick." Now, at me heaviest weight of 368, I would kill to weight that weight again. I would also like to find that guy and kick him square in the.....well, I will leave that up to your imagination. At my current weight I am always in pain, sluggish, miserable and extremely self-concsious. I avoid having my picture taken and if I see a picture of myself I slump into a deep depression. '
For the past 16 years I have been trying to to lose weight and even attempt to have a weight loss surgery. A couple of times I have been close, even just a few months away, but something always came up to hindered me from having it, always leaving me sad and heart broken. The past two years have been the hardest on me. I've had several friends get the surgery done, one of which was my best friend. I was there with her through her surgery. I went to her appointments when ever I could even though it was three hours away. I stayed with her in the hospital when she had the surgery and did my best to support her despite that fact that I was riddled with jealousy. I saw how difficult the diet was, and the pain she endured and still I would do anything to take her place. For the past two years I have often cried myself to sleep as I watch her weight melt away and I stayed the same. The lack of money to pay out of pocket kept me from having the weight loss. To many bills, to many responsibilities.
Whitney, my best friend, was the one who put the option to go to Mexico into my mind. At first I was totally against the idea. Being a nurse for the past 21 years and even taking care of Bariatric patients when I worked in one of our local hospitals, I was leery of the dangers of such a major surgery. I knew the dangers of such a surgery here in the U.S. and I was worried about the complications that could occur in another country where the government didn't have such strict laws pertaining to medical care. As time passed, and I began to except that I would never be able to save the amount of money I would need to have the surgery done here in the United States, the more I began to consider a trip to Mexico.
I spoke to several doctors I worked with, all which tried to discourage me from pursuing surgery in Mexico, worried of what might possibly happen when I was there. I listened to their concerns, and I took them into account since I too had the same worries, but the as the months passed I saw the life change my friend was getting to experience, I decided to take the plunge. So today I took the first step in my new weight loss journey, I paid my $500 deposit and scheduled my surgery date. On September 20th, 2018, I am scheduled to have my surgery in Tijuana, Mexico. I still have a long way to go. I have to come up with another $3800 plus travel expenses, not to mention maintain my house hold bills and other cost. That only give me about six weeks to come up with it all. My current plan for doing that is to work about 90-100 hours a week with no days off, very hard but doable. For the first time ever in my weight loss journey, I have a surgery date.
The minute the payment cleared, wave after wave of emotions became to hit me all at once. Am I going to be able to come up with the rest of money? And if i do, am I gong to still have all my vital organs or perhaps become a vessel to transport something across the boarder like Scarklett Johansson in the 2014 movie Lucy? Yes, it does seem a little far fetched Hollywood drama, but a writer has to get an idea from some place. Excitement and fear is currently the battle going on inside of me. Luckily, when I first sent off my inquiry email, my assigned coordinator added me to a Facebook group filled with other people on the same journey as I am. It was being in this group that actually brought me to this point today. I still have worries, mainly about raising the money, but for the first time I feel close to reaching my dream of taking my life back and losing this burden I carry on myself everyday. I have 42 days to "D" day, or in this case "S" day. Wish me luck.
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